


It Was a Shit Show

by NerdyHalfling



Series: Smol Naddpod Things [7]
Category: Not Another D&D Podcast (Podcast)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Breakup, F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-02
Updated: 2020-08-02
Packaged: 2021-03-06 05:54:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 789
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25678444
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NerdyHalfling/pseuds/NerdyHalfling
Summary: "This thing we had, was not just bad, it was a shit show."Alanis tried to break up with Thiala.The song is It Was a Shit Show from Crazy Ex-Girlfriend
Relationships: Alanis/Thiala (Not Another D&D Podcast)
Series: Smol Naddpod Things [7]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1826578
Comments: 2
Kudos: 10





	It Was a Shit Show

_ I love you, yes  
And I'll confess  
The thought of staying is so enticing  
And when you speak  
My knees get weak  
I can't believe what I'm sacrificing _

“Alanis, come on, don’t leave…Look at me and tell me you don’t love me.”

Had Alanis been a bigger person she would have responded to that challenge by saying  _ I’m sorry, but it’s better this way,  _ and spared Thiala’s feelings as much as she could, but Alanis was tired of being a bigger person, tired of being nice about the fact that she was the only one willing to do what was the best for the both of them, so she said something else. 

“Yes, I do love you, and honestly, I want to stay so bad-”

“So stay.” 

“Thiala, please!” she snapped, and sighed before she continued. “Please stop asking me to stay, I love you, but let’s just both be realistic for once. This thing” she made a gesture to the space between them, as to refer to their relationship, “it’s not good, it’s an absolute shit show.” 

Thiala opened her mouth, presumably to protest, but Alanis cut her off.

“Oh come on, I love you, but you’re not good for me Thiala.” 

“Like you don’t make mistakes?” 

“That’s not what I’m saying,” Alanis sighed, running her fingers through her hair in a frustrated motion. “We’ve both fucked up, and we can’t undo all the stuff we’ve done, and we can’t make amends for it, especially when you just want to pretend it never happened and just go on, hoping somehow it will be different now than the past dozen or so times we’ve tried.”

Now Thiala appeared speechless. Alanis could see her trying to find the words to argue, find the right way to ask her to stay. A part of Alanis was worried she would find the right words, the plea that would make her resolve to leave collapse in on itself. 

“There’s just too much stuff,” she said, sounding more sad than angry now. “I screwed Ulfgar, and you screwed him over, and I don’t know if you can forgive me, but I absolutely cannot forgive you, so whatever idea of a romantic love story you have in mind, we’re not that, we’re some horrible comedy where our emotions are the punchline.” Alanis had rarely felt so defeated, and looking at Thiala told her the feeling was mutual. Maybe Thiala was tired too? 

“Please, you’re my light, honey.” Apparently not tired enough to stop trying. 

“Please, drop the metaphors,” Alanis requested. 

“It might be a cheesy metaphor, but it’s true, you light up my world-” 

“Alright, do you want metaphors?” Alanis shouldn’t be getting fired up like this, but she’d  _ asked  _ Thiala not to go there. “This thing we’ve got makes Chernobyl look like a campfire. Compared to us hurricane Katrina looks like a light drizzle, those are the appropriate metaphors.” 

Thiala looked so hurt, and for a moment Alanis wished she’d done this the kind way instead, but then Thiala touched her arm, running her fingers gently over her forearm in that way that had a tendency to take their fights in another direction and Alanis tried not to resent Thiala for trying to save this trainwreck, but why did she have to make this so much harder? 

“Don’t you feel the chem-”

“Don’t-” she snapped, taking a step back. “Where do you see this leading, hm? Let’s say we do have sex-” which, to be fair, wasn’t an unreasonable expectation from Thiala’s side, it wouldn’t be the first time a break up attempt ended that way, “what happens then? We try for another week or two, maybe a month, and then we’re right back here again. This is what out  _ chemistry  _ leads to T, it’s what it always leads to and I can’t do it anymore.” 

Thiala took a step back this time. Were those tears? Thiala didn’t usually cry, maybe she finally understood that this was real. 

“Alright,” the blonde finally said, looking down, “goodbye then. I- I won’t forget this, even if you think it was a-” the words halted on Thiala’s tongue, she always struggled with the harsh words, and Alanis couldn’t help the affectionate smile that crossed her lips. 

“Shit show,” she said, finishing Thiala’s sentence. “I won’t forget it either, and- despite everything I don’t regret it, I don’t regret you or this incredible, beautiful, heartbreaking-” she let the sentence die out, sensing that she didn’t need to finish it, life.changing and breathtaking as it had been, it was truly over. 

_ And when you say  
That I should stay  
That's exactly when I should split though  
I won't forget  
I won't regret  
This beautiful, heart-stopping, breathtaking, life-changing _


End file.
